vi. no light no light

 

you are the space

in my bed

the silence in between

what i thought and

what i said.

 

They reach the Salvatore’s boarding house half an hour after the call, after running up the stairs and laughing over their ridiculous plans of crashing the party and bad-mouthing Damon. They didn’t put much effort in picking their clothes, grabbing the first thing they saw that didn’t pass as pajama and didn’t have creases on them, considering the little thought more than enough.

Caroline took her mother’s car, swirling the car key on her forefinger for a while before they ended up in a bush near the house and had to search for them without Cerise’s help, the poor woman doubling over and laughing her ass off at the predicament they found themselves in. After some more little incidents, they finally exit the car, take in a deep breath and wink at each other as they walk to the front door of the damned mansion. Cerise insists on knocking, just to make one of them move their ass and open it for them, to show some faux respect for them and Caroline quickly agrees with her, finding the idea marvelous.

Cerise ends up being the one knocking on the door, having lost the game of rock-paper-scissors. She brings her knuckles down on the wooden surface three times, before taking a few steps back and leaning back on Caroline’s shoulder as they await for somebody to open the door for them.  They stand outside for quite the while until somebody finally decides to do it. (Caroline almost chokes on her own spit when she catches Cerise’s comment about how vampires were supposed to have this hypersensitive hearing.)

None of them show any surprise when the person who has brought them out of misery is Stefan, ol’ good Stefan who is smiling at them with warmth in their eyes, making Cerise return the gesture and definitely agree with her previous assumption that he might just be the only one she could like out of Caroline’s circle of friends.  The nod at each other in acknowledgement, the brunette stepping first into the house, allowing Caroline and Stefan to discuss about something or merely just stare at each other. It’s not her business to intervene between two people who feel some sort of attraction towards each other. With that in mind, she descends down the few stairs and enters in the living room where she is welcomed by a disgusting sight of Damon with his partially unbuttoned shirt dancing with a giddy Elena in the middle of the room, while the rest of their friends are on the couch, engaged in their own conversations and drinking and trying not to show their boredom too much.

Cerise stifles the giggle that threatens to escape her throat at the sight. Caroline and she had a better party going on over at their house and no booze or other people were involved. She doesn’t advances into the room, waiting for Caroline to pop up by her side which proves itself not to be a long time, for she feels somebody’s hand coming down on her shoulder, startling her a little bit. She’s used, however, to the vampire’s antics and turns her head to face her with a smile on her lips, amusement spilling from the space between her teeth as she signals Caroline to stare at the so supposed ‘party’ the Salvatores are throwing. Her dear friend catches onto it, the two sharing a secretive smile before making their presence known.

“Damon.”

“Barbie! So good of you to join us in our modest abode!” Cerise shudders in disgust as Damon’s voice rings in her ear. The sarcasm with which he talked drips onto her skin and burns it, creating little tunnels in which hate flows and she has to remind herself not to repeat the same mistake as the previous night, to be the better person even if it’s hard, even if this isn’t really her.

Cerise says nothing and neither does Caroline who only narrows her eyes at the man in a dangerous manner. Her face soon breaks into the brightest smiles she can offer to someone as Elena comes running to her, throwing her arms around her neck and laughing into her golden locks as she drags her to the couch, completely ignoring Cerise’s presence. Although there should be a certain bitter taste in her mouth exploding right now, there’s none. She’s the outsider, will be the outsiders for a good while until she or them decide to open up, which, by her calculations, is too far-streatched to allow her hopes to shoot up. She walks on her own to the couch opposite to the one the two best friends are sitting on, plopping in the seat next to Bonnie who has been a little bit more welcoming than the others. Not by much, though, but Cerise has learnt how to appreciate the little gestures.

Which is the exact strategy she is going to use to survive the rest of the night, even if it will end up being a complete disaster by her own standards.

 

//

 

The party only further proved that Caroline is literally the soul of the gang, the heart of the party and the happiness bringer. Cerise didn’t need any further confirmation. The vampire has put her mark on the party by choosing the playlist, by dancing with almost everyone and forcing them into participating and putting a smile on their face with her antics. She begrudgingly left Cerise out of the picture after the woman has repeatedly refused on drawing the attention onto her (and giving Damon a subject on which he could make jokes) and resumed to sitting onto the couch and laughing at Caroline, smiling affectionately as she continued on watching her interact with her friends. It is tonight that Cerise realizes that no other emotion besides happiness and content suit Caroline best.

At some point during the night, Cerise excuses herself, telling the others that she is going to the bathroom. Stefan stands up and offers to take her to the closest one, but she refuses, telling him that all she needs is some directions and after a few seconds of staring at each other, the vampire gives up, letting out a sigh and pointing at the stairs and at some door, while Cerise is trying her best to seem interested.

She follows some of his instructions, though, going up the stairs and walking in the way she assumes Stefan had pointed at, thanking the lord the door is somewhere down the hallway and she won’t be seen taking a different route. After some more tries, couple of opened doors that lead to a perfectly arranged bedroom that smells like the years that have passed by without someone living in them, she finds the door leading to the balcony. She lets out a hiss when the coldness of the night hits her with full force. She should’ve certainly taken her cardigan with her, but she assumed that by doing so, she would’ve drawn more suspicious gazes than anything.

Smiling contently, she pushes one of her hands in the pocket of her jeans, fishing for the packet of cigarette she brought from her country, taking out a cigarette and holding it between two lithe fingers as she lights it up, pushing it past her lips and closing her eyes when the smoke engulfs her thoroughly, her lungs squeezing in a rather painful manner. She hasn’t smoked in a good while, ever since coming down from the airport. Cerise doesn’t know what Caroline and the gang’s principles are when it comes to smoking, and so, has avoided smoking in the house or anywhere near them for that matter. She simply doesn’t need another moral on how quickly nicotine kills you and how she should quit. She got enough for them to last her for the rest of her life.

Although retreating from the party and smoking is in fact a very risky action, she just couldn’t last any longer without smoking at least one cigarette. She has been shaking and being antsy for a while now, always stopping herself mid-way from bringing her hand to the front of her jeans and patting the space in which the packet was, afraid it will catch somebody’s attention. But now as she inhaling and exhaling at a rapid pace, showing her greedy side, bringing her teeth down on the smoke and digesting all the death she is willingly inducing in her body, she can’t give a damn about the consequences of her rash actions, not now, not now when she is finally being a third of herself, when she can finally cling to that shadow, to that particle of the person she had once been, before all of the shit in the world hit the fan and ultimately affect her lifestyle.

“Has nobody told you how unlady-like it is for a woman to do such a vile act?”

She freezes when her ears finally catch up on the voice, the presence of the unwelcomed person finally making himself known to her, and involuntarily, she shivers. She doesn’t know if it’s because of the cold or because of the fear of getting caught by one of the people who matter, but it certainly makes her feel extremely vulnerable under the gaze she knows the person has on her.

Cerise finally leans over the railing after taking some seconds to calm herself, raising an eyebrow as she waits for her eyes to get used to the dark. She should’ve known, really, only by the accent that it is no one from the people in the house, but somehow, in that moment of weakness, she has completely disregarded the hints thrown at her. She lets out a groan, rolling her eyes when she realizes it is the hybrid himself looking up at her with a smug smile, arms crossed over his chest as his hair is constantly being ruffled by the wind in a way that she finds so bloody attractive she is ashamed with herself. While she has morals, she also has the hormones of a healthy young woman with sexual needs and that—is something she cannot control.

“I thought I made myself pretty clear about where I stand when it comes to you, didn’t I?” Cerise says, not trying at all to conceal the annoyance she feels. She pulls back from the railing, takes a few steps back so her back is pressed against the wall. She feels the wind whipping at her face in a harsher way than usually and she figures out when she hears somebody chuckle extremely close to her that the hybrid has jumped on the balcony. She raises her eyes from the floor, staring at him in boredom and appreciation as she watches the shirt he’s wearing clinging desperately on every single one of his muscles, giving her a sinful sight of what’s hidden underneath. He’s not making it any easier for her as he leans over the railing himself, half-facing her as his weight is supported by his folded arm.

“And I remember telling you that that will not be the last time we’d see each other.” His tone is as amused as his expression. Cerise’s façade doesn’t falter, the woman continuing on smoking and at some point, she purposely blows the smoke in his way, smirking when he scrunches up his nose.

“Now, please be a doll and entertain me—What exactly are you doing with the Salvatores?” The sudden seriousness he has taken on doesn’t go past her and Cerise raises an eyebrow at him, narrowing her eyes as she inspects him more thoroughly.

“Nothing, truth be told. I have been dragged by my friend to their party. I didn’t exactly make a good impression considering I snapped at Damon the previous night. Dude was a douche and got exactly what he deserved, but his little fans don’t really see it that way” She explains, shrugging her shoulders. “Why? Are you like Romeo and Juliet, or some shit?”

The hybrid throws his head back and laughs, Cerise following him not long after. She finds him laughing more pleasant than anything and likes the way it rings in her ear, not being able to stop herself from associating it to a bird’s thrill on a summer day in the heart of the woods. “No, love, nothing like that. Let’s just say our history is rather dark, if you may. I like to think, however, that we have buried the hatchet a long time ago.”

“Sure. Whatever makes you sleep at night. Although, I’ve gotta warn you. From my encounters with the Scooby Doo gang, they seem like the kind to hold grudges. Even Caroline, even if she doesn’t really seem like the type.”

She hears him chuckle halfway through her words and stares at him straight in the eyes as she continues. She furrows her eyebrows, however, when she sees an emotion she has never expect him to ever experience flash in his eyes for a second, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared. She puts two to two and realizes that her blonde vampire’s name is the one that has inflicted such feeling on him, deciding that it is better not to ask and to just keep it hidden in one of the corners of her mind as her little, dirty secret.

“Now, excuse me if I come off as rude, but are you gonna bug off or are you gonna join me to this horrendous party, because my ass is less than a step away from becoming an ice ring for microscopic creatures.” Cerise rubs her arms, glad to know that at least someone else besides Caroline from this bloody damned town appreciates her sense of humour.

She pushes herself away from the wall and opens the door of the balcony when she realizes the hybrid hasn’t moved yes, taking a few steps into the mansion and sighing in sheer pleasure when the warmth of it hits her straight in the guts, smirking to herself as well when she hears the door of the balcony closing and a new pair of shoes accompanying her through the alley.

“You know, I never did catch your name. It is a little hard to continue addressing you as ‘the hybrid’ in my mind. Especially when I am narrating stuff. It gets repetitive and extremely annoying.” Her explanation makes it sound as if she’s missing a nail in her system even to her ears, but if she’s actually going to try and engage into a rather normal conversation with the man, she thinks it’s pretty goddamn socially accepted to be this way.

“You never did ask for it”, he taunts, “It’s Klaus. More like Niklaus, but most people are too lazy to pronounce it so they go for the shorter version of it.” Cerise catches onto his jab at what she assumes is the gang and while she wouldn’t be normally affect by this, Caroline is still part of it. She decides, however, against voicing out her thoughts.

“I’m obviously part of this society, so I am going to call you Klaus as well, Klaus.” She rolls her eyes when she hears him scoff.

“Aren’t you going to give me your name, love?”

“Aren’t you going to work for it?”

“Are you implying we will meet again after tonight?”

“It’s Cerise” She replies quickly, still able to taste the smugness with which he delivered his last line and can’t help but blush slightly when he hears his amused chuckle behind her.

He is such a bastard, she’d be more than glad to shove her boots up his ass.

(maybe another day)

 

//

 

She had imagined what the gang’s reaction would be to Klaus’ sudden arrival, had some scenarios in her head along with some explanations that would leave out the smoking escapade, but nothing that came close to the real thing.

At first, nobody actually looked at her, or acknowledge her presence, thing with which she was fine, cause she wouldn’t have either. They were simply too mesmerized in the game they were playing, all of them hunched over to stare at something that remains unknown to her even now. However, when Stefan raised his head with a slight smile at first to welcome her black, the look that replaced that of warmth couldn’t be ignored even if she tried her hardest. The boy’s face went completely blank, as if not even he knew what type of emotion he should display not that he is face to face with Klaus, but he soon figured out for he showed sheer frustration, boredom and annoyance and Cerise somehow found that intriguing and amusing, with a hint of worrying.

The rest of the group slowly caught up and connect the dots, all wearing the same expression, some worse and some better, which lead to this particular moment in which all are up on their feet, staring at her in an incredulous manner and at Klaus—in a rather unfriendly one. It is also now that she realizes that her chances of being even remotely accepted by them have slimmed down. She finds it surprising that she just doesn’t care.

Her smug expression is soon wiped off when she feels the weight of something on her shoulder, her eyes widening with the realization that that bastard of a hybrid has just dapped his arm over his shoulder, pulling her closer to her body, her cheek flat against his side. Cerise is extremely tempted to rebel against such disrespectful and thoughtless treatment by biting his right nipple off.

She can’t, however, because not only do her thoughts take an unexpected turn for the dirty, she is rudely interrupted from planning his demise when he opens his mouth and spouts out some words that she takes a while to understand.

“Well, well, well. Look what we have here! Old friends have gathered again to renew their pinky promises! Or, as my dear new friend over here calls you, the Scooby Doo gang is onto another mystery!”

Cerise gasps loudly, turning her head with such speed she hears neck snapping, feeling one of her muscles being pulled beyond limits. She really wants to bite him now, especially since she knows that he is sporting a smug goddamn expression that makes him unnecessarily more attractive than he already is, even if she can’t actually see him since she is met with nothing, but the high-quality material of his shirt that is too thin for her licking for she sees a little patch of skin, only further fueling her previous dirty thoughts.

She calms down a notch when she hears a giggle in the room, soon realizing that Caroline still finds this situation amusing. Cerise had been worried for a moment that coming down with Klaus might be interpreted as a betray by Caroline since she knows the two must have some sort of history, and not knowing what type of history has her walking on thin ice. Caroline’s reaction to Klaus’ behavior calmed her, however.

“Klaus. What an unwelcomed surprise.” Bonnie, she thinks, says, making Cerise’s head turn back towards the crowd.

Some have taken their places on the couch after they have cooled off a little bit, knowing that right now Klaus is no threat. She thinks that the two parties must have had a rough start, but somehow ended up being capable of breathing the same air without actually wanting to snap each other’s neck. She also knows that old habits die hard and you never do get rid of the seed of doubt that you water in your heart with each suspicious action of the person in discussion.

Klaus suddenly moves forward and by association, so does Cerise who is getting really tired of having his arm over her neck, especially since he has decided to be a little naughty and is playing with a lock of her hair, not so subtly touching the sensitive skin behind her ear and on the meeting spot between her neck and her shoulder. She is very much aware of the fact that he is doing this on purpose, to try and get a reaction out of her that will not go unnoticed by the rest of the people in the room and hopefully drown a reaction out of them that will make the night so much more eventful. That’s one of the reasons she just grits her teeth and bites her tongue, using every last bit of energy she has on mastering her self-control, refusing to give the bastard the satisfaction of having her in his palm.

(it doesn’t occur to her, however, that he might have betted on this kind of reaction and might have just wanted this to be their little dirty secret)

The hybrid drags them to one of the couches, plopping down on it and insisting on having her sit on his lap. The idea doesn’t sit well with her and knowing that voicing out her refusal will only draw unwanted attention on themselves, she resorts to using her nails to let him know of how disrespectful she finds this and how she doesn’t agree with his actions, digging them painfully into the skin of his thigh through his jeans. She knows that pain inflicted is nothing to him, but he acknowledges this, letting her sit on the couch next to him. Unfortunately, the arm doesn’t disappear from around her neck and she is pulled closer to him, so close her head is on his chest. Cerise makes a mental note to make sure to repay him for this gentleman-like behavior when they meet again.

“Klaus, let’s Cerise go. She has nothing to do with whatever plan for world domination you have in mind” Cerise looks at Bonnie in a new light of respect and admiration. Her tone was collected and calm and stern as if the man meant nothing to her than an annoyance that she couldn’t wait to get rid of. She also appreciates the fact that the two think alike.

But Bonnie’s words make her think not only about the new emotions inside of her towards the girl, but about the fact that if she truly wanted to get out of Klaus’ hold, she could. She could bite him, punch him, say something that would stun him long enough to allow her to get away from him. She doesn’t, however, because as much as she isn’t all that pleased with the position she is in, she doesn’t feel threatened, or incredibly uncomfortable, merely annoyed and slightly amused by his antics. Cerise knows that he is doing this on purpose to both annoy her and to make the water between him and the group of friends even more feculent. If he truly wanted to bring harm upon her, he would’ve done so when they were alone on the balcony without anyone to know who the culprit is, he could’ve done so earlier when his arm was in a much more comfortable position. Nothing in his posture and attitude gives her reasons to believe she is in any type of danger.

“Why, I believe our little friend here is extremely comfortable, aren’t you?” Klaus says, looking down at her with amusement written on his face.

Cerise merely rolls her eyes at this. “Very much so. Thank you, Klaus the Great, for allowing me to be in such an honorable position and feel your hard chest against my cheek.”

She realizes only when it is too late that she fucked up royally, that not only did he compliment him, she did it in such way it has a sexual innuendo. Her cheeks flush red with the epiphany, turning her head away and laughing without being able to control herself, quite glad Klaus gets over his stunned moment and joins her, chuckling.

Cerise seriously think that whatever goes down tonight (she almost said who), nothing will be nearly as embarrassing and wrong as that.

 

//

 

Eventually and fortunately, the atmosphere does become livelier. There’s not much interaction between Klaus and the group. They acknowledge each other, but they mostly ignore each other’s existence to the best of their capabilities. The gang engages in other games Cerise feels obligated to refuse.

She doesn’t dislike Klaus’ company at all, likes it even more since he has retracted his arm from around her neck and has allowed her to move freely, without being self-conscious about her movements and their effect on him. She is known leaning her back against one of the arms of the couch, hands propped up on it and facing the man, her arms on her knees. They are having a stare-down contest, one which involves not blinking, and she can feel tears rolling down her cheeks. The game has been lost since it started for he doesn’t actually need to blink, but Cerise is someone competitive, someone who is head-strong and believes in equality and she’d rather be damned in hell than back down from a challenge, even with a hybrid who defies the laws of the world.

“Jesus Christ!” Cerise yells in a bitter tone, that isn’t all that surprising, blinking repeatedly and rubbing her eyes furiously to try and get rid of the stinging sensation.

“I told you, love. You can’t win against me.” He says in a smug expression that makes her want to bare her teeth at him. She reminds herself that he is half wolf and the action could be either interpreted as sexual or threatening and she wants to give him none of the impressions.

“Oh, believe me, there is surely something you aren’t good at and I will one day find it and enjoy beating your ass.”

He merely laughs, not saying anything and letting the silence envelop them. They can still hear the gang enjoying themselves in a corner of the house. Cerise smiles fondly when she hears Caroline’s protests about something. She’s so passionate about all these little things people usually look over with lack of interest, she finds it absolutely adorable and endearing and she can’t help but smile slightly to herself.

She swears she sees Klaus do the same for a fraction of a second.

In the end, he isn’t all that bad. Insufferable, yes. Sadistic and up to no good, absolutely, but not entirely a bad company.

He’s certainly better than having all those unaccepting glances thrown her eyes and having to listen to Damon’s snarky comments about something she had done. She is content with her choice for the night.

(she wonders if he is as well)

 

no light no light

in your bright blue

eyes, i never knew

daylight could be

so violent.