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Dear Fred,

It was your funeral yesterday. Everyone was crying and mourning and it's horrible but. It's just. I feel so angry. They all acted like they had known us even though they hadn't. They keep telling me that they know how I feel. But how can they? Weren't they, after all, the ones who laughed at us when we announced our dreams? They had never understood us. How can they understand me? How can they know how I feel?

But I knew better than to speak my thought aloud. I mean…Mom and Dad and all of them would be upset…And I can’t complicate things even more for them. Things are really hard now.

It just hits me, you know? The Battle is over, Voldemort is gone, Voldemort is dead… and so are you.

I saw your body lying on the velvet cloth and oh gosh...I held your hand and it was so freaking cold. You weren't moving at all. Everyone was so, so silent. You were there except that you weren’t. I know you wanted to go with a bang, and I remember laughing when you said that. I was shocked when I heard you talking about leaving the world, but I was comforted by the thought that we’d go together.

Why did you leave me? Did you really hate me so much that you had to leave me alone? You knew that it was - and still is - my greatest fear to be a half without my other. You saw with your own eyes when I stood in front of the boggart. You saw your dead body on the floor and you promised that you would always be with me. And then 5 years later you broke that promise. You bloody broke it!

Our promises have always been kept because our promises are vows Fred. And then you just tossed it aside like we aren't worth it, like I'm not worth it. What has been on my mind though, is if I'm really worth it.

I don't blame Percy; I can't wish it had been him instead. No, if you aren't going to come back to life, wouldn't it be better if I died too? After all, what is the difference between a soulless half and nothing? I'm quite sure they are convinced that I've become a robot and maybe I have. Because now the only thing I can feel is, well, nothing actually.

I know it sounds cheesy but you are my everything. You mean a lot to me. I've never told you this before but the Hat considered putting me in Ravenclaw. But it didn't because you had been sorted in Gryffindor and you are my confidence. Without you it just feels wrong to smile, to laugh, to breathe even.

So do you see the problem now? I can't live without you. I don't want to. Because there you are, buried six feet under while I'm walking and just alive.

It's not right.

Harry had told me about the Resurrection Stone but even if I can find it, I won't use it. If I use it…I want to see you so bad, but if I use it, I know I won't be able to put the stone down. And Harry told me you wouldn't like to stay on the Land of the Living for long. He said….he said you'd want to have gone on.

I don't know what that means but I really doubt Harry would be wrong. Remember when we were 13, we saw Harry for the first time? He was so young then, so innocent, so naïve. Then again, so were we. We were so happy so carefree. I miss that “us”.

Sometimes I would just stay in bed and remember all the times we spent together and pretend you are still alive. It never lasts for long though. I'd just feel that sinking emptiness again. I always feel that thing: like I'm all alone.

Which I am, in a way. I can't even produce a patronus now. All my good memories were with you. And now…

I'm so sorry. I should have been there with you, I should have saved you. I should’ve been there because all my life, you have been by my side. All my life, you were my savior. You are my older brother - by seven minutes - you protected me all the time and I’m a selfish person to not have done anything for you. I should have died seven minutes after you did so we could live for the same amount of time.

You wouldn't know how much I hate myself right now. I let my twin die. It was me that should have died instead. Not you, never you. You were too good, you were much better than I was, than I could ever be.

We should be allowed to live together, to grow old together. Why must the only time we saw each other old and gray be the time when we took aging potions? It’s not fair, Fred. I don’t want to breathe in this bitter reality anymore, but they’re staring at me with pleading eyes.

They want me to live when all I want is to be with you.

Love,

George