Fate's End

 

In a room profound with darkness, the only light seen was the smoke fluttering about from the *kiseru. I stared at each puff of smoke that left from the pipe as it dispersed into the air, becoming one with the darkness.The sliding door opened, and I dabbed the pipe on the ash tray, spilling its remains.

 

“Yes?” I answered in a soft tone as I sat up. Behind the sliding door revealed a young girl, a *kamuro kneeling with grace, and her head bowed in respect.

 

“There's a customer asking for you Katsune-sama*, please get ready.” She bowed once more as she attempted to close the sliding door, but before she could, I called: “What is your name girl?” I asked whilst facing the mirror and continuing to do my make-up. She looked up in surprise, and stuttered in a minimal voice, which you could barely hear.

 

“K-karen...” I nodded once, and dismissed her. Despite her reserved voice, I understood what she had said, because I too was once like this, reserved. Though I went through a great deal of change, I still remembered the flower I had held that day, it was an orange sunflower; fragile, but optimistic. It held its head up high, and gazed towards the sun, until its very downfall.

 

I shook my head of the thought, and faced the mirror that reflected myself. A girl who's hair tied perfectly into place, adorned with the finest *kimono and make-up. I placed the finishing touches and stood up, trying not to make haste of my movements. Walking down the hallways, giggles and moans echoed the place as colors and shades glittered in each room I passed by. Red: the color of passion, green as possessive jealousy, yellow which is the color of cowardice and impatience, and then pink: the color of nurturing love.

 

The hallways were a rainbow that was etched with emotions, and mine was no different. I knelt down on the wooden floor, and gently announced that I was coming in. I opened the sliding door once I had the permission to, and came in.

 

Behind the sliding door was a man in his mid-thirties. He was drunk from drinking too much *sake, and seemed to be unconscious with his surroundings as he nodded to the *shamisen that was being played. I couldn't help but let out a small sigh as I dismissed the women who played that beautiful melody.

 

The man complimented my looks and I thanked him graciously, an undying routine I picked up, and as the conversation prolonged his lust had grown. His breathing hitched, and the essence of alcohol overcame my sense of smell; the nauseating fragrance of *sake that I have gotten accustomed to over the years.

 

I closed my eyes as the veil of darkness wraps my whole once again, and the color of profound indigo shined over my closed eyelids. The lock to my sealed memories opened, and for a brief moment I saw the color of orange. The beautiful color of orange. It radiated under the sun's light, and I marveled at its grace. I knew I could never obtain something a color as beautiful as that no matter how much I desire and long for it, because for I knew indigo was the only one that was best fit for me.

 

In order to receive, in order to satisfy I became an indigo flower, and dismissed the orange one. At first, I had wanted to blossom only for one person, but... fate stole away my freedom and so, the wheels continued to turn

 

“Teto!” he smiled, a smile that he only showed to me. I ran up to him and smiled back as he gave me an orange sunflower, placing it in between my ears. I blushed a crimson pink, turning bashful at his actions. Once he was done, he gave me another soft smile which I welcomed in return. He held my hands in his as we walked side by side, letting the wind play our favorite music and accompany us towards the way home.

 

Despite all the fun, the day has come to an end and I reluctantly said goodbye. His unwavering smile was etched in my mind, his raven hair which was tied in a ponytail, and his body that was adorned with a green kimono which was green as the spring leaves. With this in thought, a smile stretched my face, and I was happy. My clothes weren't pretty like the others, and the fact that my family aren't well paid, was dejecting , but the fact that he was always there for me with a ready smile was enough for someone like me.

 

“Hello young lady~” I was welcomed by a group of two elderly men, around their late-forties; their smile suspicious. I stepped back in fear of what they might do, and shook my head furiously as their arms continued to reach for me. “You must be Teto. Your parents just sold you and we're here to come and take you to somewhere nice,” they continued. I shook my head in disbelief, as words were inevitable at the moment, since it was getting harder and harder to breathe by the second.

 

“N-no...” I managed to croak a whisper, “*okaa-san and *otou-san wouldn't do that!” I attempted to say with much confidence, but in truth I had little faith that they really didn't do it. “Oh, but they did. Now stop being stubborn and—let's go already!” They caught my arm as I was about to run. I kicked and fought, but all went to vain as I was only a scrawny, little girl against two big men. I couldn't do much, and my trembling body wasn't helping either.

 

“N-no... NO!!” I yelled with all my might, but like all my efforts, my voice became one with air; nothingness. Eyes as dull as a dead fish, and heart as cold as ice. I could only let the two men carry my soulless body, letting fate take its toll on what's left of me. I looked back at the old, ragged and tattered house, that I once called home and I glared at it, but it didn't last long as soon as I came to realize I have nothing left.

 

A bitter smile found its way on my face, and a tear dropped from the corner of my eyes. I whispered his name one last time and let it drawl, afraid that once I finish, my words would return to air and my memories of him would go along it.

 

“H...a...r...u...”

 

Once I opened my eyes, morning already came and I was left alone with only silence and the bird's chirping. I rubbed my my eyes and the remains of sleep, as I wore my clothes in a fast pace. I finished not soon after, and I started walking down the hallways to my original room.

 

 

I sat on the tatami mat, not bothering to get my breakfast and started lighting my pipe, enjoying the warmth it gave as the smoke erased the nauseous feeling I always felt every night. Cleansing my whole as I breathed in, and excreting the waste as I breathed out. Though I knew the true effects of what these gray clouds of ashes gave, it was hard not to stop. The addictive substance is something I couldn't give up, my only solace to this place.

 

I heaved a sigh once I was finished, and I headed out to take a bath so I could completely cleanse myself from the feeling of that night, even if 'completely' was a lie. I changed my clothes, wore my make up, and sat back in the room, ready for the business hours once again. There was nothing interesting to do in here, I could only sit in my room as I wait for the customers to come and roll in. I wasn't particularly close with anyone in Yoshiwara. I had friends, yet none were truly real.

 

This place was the worst place to find friends, everything was a competition for customers and I'm currently on top. It's only reasonable for them to not like me, especially when I don't even like myself.

 

“Katsune-sama” I heard a familiar voice from behind the sliding door, and I knew straight away that it was Karen. I smiled bitterly at the thought, but erased any emotions as I replied back.

 

“There's a customer for you,” she answered nonchalantly, her eyes showing the depths of the ocean; almost like how I used to be. I softened, and stood up as I walked towards the door. She bowed once I passed her, but I stopped mid-step, confusing the little one. I patted her head once, and she glanced up as I gave her a little smile, before returning to walk. It was faint, but I heard her words of gratitude, her words that glowed with slight cheerfulness despite her sullen state, and again, a smile found it's way to my red stained lips.

 

~

 

“Do you want to have some sake?” I asked politely, but the customer only shook his head, letting his bangs cover his eyes even further. Despite his looks, the way he was clothed showed that he was wealthy, a *samurai in fact. “Shall I play the shamisen then?” I continued and he finally nodded in approval. I grabbed the instrument and started to play, as the rain started falling to beat of the music.

 

I played the music, and glanced at the customer once in a while. My mind wandering off to the abyss; the words constantly overflowing and invading my conscience.

 

 

 

Even if it's just a false love,
Can you embrace me?
Right now, rain falls on Yoshiwara
A sad feeling trembling through
Please, sir, if possible,
Will you be willing to buy me?
In the flock of blooming umbrellas
I am drenched, I am rain

 

 

 

I stopped playing after a few minutes, and the customer stayed silent. He seemed quite different than the rest, he hadn't moved a muscle since I entered, but I didn't give up nonetheless. I shifted to his side and smiled, a smile I only use for customers.

 

The bustling crowd comes and goes
Flocking around, going about
My only wish is that someday
Someone will release me from this birdcage

Even if it's just a fake love
Can you buy me?
Petals blossoming within me
In my drenched heart, rain falls
Please, sir, if only for one night
Please flirt only with me
The many stains of desire

Are stuck in my weak heart

 

 

No matter what I did, he refused with all his might. I was desperate. Why had he come if he didn't show any interest in me? Is he toying with me? My hope, and the way I live, is he simply here to look down on me? But does that matter now, I am what I am. Fate bestowed this on me, and he should be lucky to have an honorable job, such as a sumurai. I clenched my fists, my nails digging in the palm of my hands, emotions enthralled me. No matter how I hated my job, no matter how I hated myself and this place. I worked hard to do this: to gain my freedom.

 

The sorrow-tinged flowers, with my hope, withered away .

 

Hot tears now flow down my cheeks, the very first tears I had in ten years. “Why...?” I croaked. He was startled by my sudden inquiry and tears, and he glanced up, but not enough for me to see his face. I could only glare at him, the spite in my voice laced every word, “Are you here to mock me... and my well being?” I continued, raising my voice even more.

 

Only then, when I broke down that I realized how much pain had dwelled in my heart. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing, and my words were becoming more hard to form as I continued to sob. He held me tight in his arms, yet holding me as if I was a delicate object that would break at any moment.

 

“Teto...” he whispered, the soft familiar voice I once loved. The sun finally came out of the sky, and the rain stopped pouring now. The rainbow formed in the bright sky. It was different from the ray of colors I see at the hallways every night, not at all. The colors were bright and pure, much different from the glittering colors born from darkness. “I'm sorry for being late, I'm here now. Don't cry...”

 

The raven black hair I once knew was now longer, but the hairstyle stayed the same: tied in a ponytail. His clothes the same shade of green, but a more luxurious form of silk. He had grown, yet, his flower was still an orange. I quickly pushed him away, and shook my head constantly. Indigo and orange, doesn't mix well. I don't want him to be dirtied by my color. The pure orange I love, I can't destroy that one too.
 

“Teto... what's wrong?” he came closer, but I shook my head and stepped away, “No! Don't come near me... Don't look at me, don't touch me! I'm dirty, Haru! I'm dirty...” I continued to cry, afraid that I would give in to temptation and ask him to welcome me in his arms, despite how I am. He bowed his head down and continued to walk, just when I thought he was aiming towards me, he went pass me.

 

Though I knew that it was my fault that I pushed him away, my heart clenches despite it. “I'm dirty...” I sobbed into my hands, my knees finally gave out as it fell on the floor. I trembled in the overwhelming cold, but I was suddenly held in his arms again. I gasped in shock at the sudden contact.

 

“I don't care if you're dirty Teto. You are you, and if you want, I will be dirty with you. I have been searching for you so long! I'm not just going to give you up, and walk away! Come with me Teto, let's go home together, okay?” his gentle smile that I missed showed. I could only nod at my loss of words. No feelings could express how I feel right now, but joy was one of the many feelings I'm feeling.

 

Maybe the reason why I couldn't leave the cage was because no one had the key, but him.

 

 

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(A/N:) Thank you for reading my story! ^-^ Constructive criticism are welcomed~ Also, if you're curious the video for the song Yoshiwara Lament is here! It comes with English subs and an AMV: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug98HEEBEXY

 

*kiseru- a long smoking pipe

*kamuro-The child girls, called kamuro were put under the tutelage of an experienced prostitute in the role of an "elderly sister". The kamuros functioned as a servant and assistant for an experienced prostitute. When a kamuro reached sexual maturity, usually at the age of fourteen, she was inaugurated in a ceremonial procedure to her first night with a client who was willing to pay a horrendous amount for their first night.

*sama- a formal and respectful honorific to call someone. (It's used after their first/last names: Katsune-sama)

*Okaa-san- mother in Japanese

*Otou-san- father in Japanese

*shamisen- A Japanese musical instrument resembling a lute,

*samurai- the Japanese warriors and member of the military class of feudal Japan.

*kimono- a kind of clothing in Japan

*sake- white rice wine