Let Them Go, Let Them Down

A part of Sam had always known that he wouldn’t be making it out of the trials in one piece. No matter what he told Dean, told Kevin, told everyone, told himself.

Because things don’t work that way. Never have, never will.

And it was okay. Sam was okay with it. He’d even go through with it, sign his own damn death sentence if it meant he left the world a better place than when he was still walking on it.

Because he knew all too well what a freaking blessing he’d been the past few years.

This wasn’t something he’d been planning on telling Dean, though. For obvious reasons, of course. Like hell Dean would ever agree to letting him complete the trials if he didn’t believe that Sam would make it out. And Sam needed to do them, had to be the one that sealed the gates. Poetic justice, maybe. Or maybe just a final act of penance.

But the other reason he’d never tell Dean was because finally he had the chance to make things right between them. To die a noble death, to die human, to die and never come back to fuck with Dean’s life again. To die and never let his big brother down again.

Sam won’t ever let his brother down again.

But Sam has his moments of weakness. Sam and his unending faith in the world, that they’ll figure it out, just like they always did. Sam and the way he can’t help but want to fall into Dean’s arms and just let go.

So as Sam fights for breath and struggles against the excruciating pain that night, he watches as the last of his faith comes raining down from the skies in tragic bursts of light.

He can’t help but think that maybe he’d let them all down again.