Flaw

Flaw

Incomplete.

---

 

A faint reply of “Yes, young master” was heard before closing sound of the massive door reverberated within the spacious hall. Accompanying his heavy footsteps was the shrill of laughter blended in a perfect unison, echoing down the decadently furnished hall. Palpitations were drumming against his chest wall as he peered at the fellow gentleman who sat on the chaise lounge. He surveyed the surrounding and looked past the tiny fireplace poised in front of them, then he wiped off the small sweat from his forehead as he spotted a rather stocky man, who seated at the middle.

 

‘He’s here...’  A frown went past Tae Young’s face. His inside trembled vigorously as their disastrous first encounter snapped back at him. It was dauntingly unforgettable, and consequently, whenever that person was around, he would get goosebumps even from afar.

 

He had three other companions seated beside him. Two of them were on the right side, and the one on his left was his father, Politician Song. When Tae Young opened his cell phone half an hour earlier, the first thing that struck him was the missed calls from his father, who had never called him before. It had made Tae Young's heart jumped a little, and so, without further delay, Tae Young returned the call, but whatever things that was stored in his head before the called was picked up, burst right at the moment his father said:

 

Come to Minister Yul’s mansion. Now. Then...beep. The called was cut off.

 

Minister Yul – what a great way to end his restless day with a blast. Ever since the abashed incident at their grandeur family event, where Tae Young was randomly asked to present a welcome speech, which he failed miserably, he had decided to dub the stocky man as thick-brow ajusshi, who had his brows deliberately shaped and blackened. There was a period wherein Tae Young became obsessed about him – the thick-brow ajusshi – he read up every single article that related to him, hoping to find something, any information that could make the thick-brow ajusshi changed his impression toward him, but to no avail. Anyhow, thanks to his prominent features, recognizing him was not the least hard for Tae Young. Panicking whenever his dark eyes were looking at him wasn’t new to Tae Young , in fact, it had happened so often that he began to avoid every possibility that the both of them could meet. Today was one of those days where he couldn’t escape from confronting him, and so, by spotting him earlier, he could’ve prepared mentally. With just few metres ahead, his pace slowed down. There was a nervous glint in his eyes as he exhaled deeply. He glanced up and saw the golden-red chandelier gloriously hung at the ceiling. His shoulders sagged; his breath became irregular and fast as an image flung in front of his mind’s eye.

 

Hana.

 

Two years ago, the same golden-red chandelier was hung inside the mourning room that dedicated for Hana.

 

‘So, in every room...they had the same chandelier.’ He lowered his head meekly, bit his lower lips hard as to shove away the relentless melancholy feelings that whirling inside him. If he was inside his room, he would’ve taken out his hip flask and drowned himself with alcohol; he would lay her smiling pictures ramblingly across his bed, and he would keep on replying Hana’s favourite song, Mirai e, until...his eyes felt weighted down only to open it on the next day with all the mixed feelings flooded into him at once, threatened to suffocate the life right out of him. Strangely, he liked the way it causing him pain, torturing every nerve endings he had in his body, because – it was better than not feeling anything. 

 

“Who do we have here?” One of the elders had finally noticed him.

 

The husky voice had managed to pull him out from his stream of thoughts. As much as he hated to step another foot in here – the thick-brow ajussi’s mansion, but still, he couldn’t risk facing the consequences of disobeying his father’s stern instructions.

 

“Mm, Tae Young.” Politician Young cleared his throat as the corner of his mouth twisted lopsidedly. Tae Young could feel the thunderous beat beneath his chest. It was still the same, even from before the therapy had initiated six months ago. In order to minimize his episodic panic attack, Tae Young had been attending a standard therapy called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. For Tae Young, the psychiatrist were just a bunch of magnetic people. They thought they were the problem-solver and regardless of any situation, they would always confidently said they could help him to overcome his panic disorder, as if it was so...easy. Although he didn’t convince of how it would work on him, plus, he didn’t even give a damn about it anymore, but suddenly it became a deadly serious matter when his father decided to make him the next harlequin for an arranged marriage in their family, and on top of that, with someone that every time her name was brought up, it would strike a thrust to his chest. 

 

The other two guests turned their head to Tae Young. Despite it was a meeting with the ministers, Tae Young was only wearing his after-class casual clothes – dark jeans and button-down shirt combo. The fellows’ gentleman examined him carefully before exchange glanced among them. “Tae...Young? Isn’t it Tae Jun?” The man in light brown suit muttered to the person beside him, who looked as bewildered as he was. Then, he gave Tae Young a stranger stare and furrowed his brows as he looked back at the light-brown suited man beside him.

 

Tae Young turned his head to the side and groaned inwardly. Deep down he knew it wasn’t the first time people didn’t acknowledge him, but every time it occurred to him, the stuffiness in his chest had remained the same regardless of time, place, and person. He pursed his lips, trying to regularize his breath. Due to his special condition, Politician Song had been hindering Tae Young’s presence to be known by the public. After all, he had always regarded Tae Jun as the potential successor, so he tended to expose Tae Jun more, but things started to change after Hana’s incident two years back. The controversies that arise following the tragic incident were too much of a hassle for them to handle, so Politician Song had sent Tae Jun to resume his study at overseas.

 

“My name is Song Tae Young.” Tae Young’s voice skipped an octave as he greeted the elders. “Song Tae Jun is my brother.” He transfixed his eyes toward the two men who were discussing about him earlier. Every flesh inside his body became rigid when all eyes were watching attentively at him. On the next few seconds, his vision turned hazy; cold sweats started to form at his peripheries. He had had worst experience than this but at least in front of his father and also with the presence of the mighty Minister Yul, he wished to stay calmed. “Ni-Nice to-to meet you.” His voice quavered as panic overtook his body. It couldn’t be help. The advice he had learned from the therapy was useless; his mind was blank and unreachable, it was terribly hard for him to breathe even. A deep sounding chuckled was heard from up front, Tae Young’s eyes lit up as he saw a smirk that was formed on Minister Yul’s lips.

 

The two guests were gaping at each other dazedly. Instead of asking, they preferred to whisper unintelligently among one another. Politician Song casted an intense glare at Tae Young as he gritted his teeth, exasperated.

 

“Uh, Tae Yo-Young is growing up handsomely, ju-just like his bro-brother.” The man who sat at Tae Young’s left side tried to fill up the silence. The two nodded appreciatively but seconds later, they were back to whisper into each other’s ear. Minister Yul leaned his body to the cushion and watched intently at everyone, except for Tae Young. His mood had turned for the worst ever since Tae Young had marked his presence. He didn’t like that youngster. He wasn’t even looking at him whenever he had said something. Even a six year old kid would’ve sensed that. Meanwhile, Politician Song tipped his body forward, showing his interest to what the other two had been whispering about.

 

“Ah, right. Tae Young is getting engaged to the Nation’s Archer,” said the man who was beside the light-brown suited guy. Everyone’s attention was shifted to him, including Minister Yul, who had his face crumpled in displeasingly, and apparently he wasn’t the only one like that – Tae Young was wearing the exact expression.  

 

“Yes, Tae Young is getting engaged to her...” Politician Song’s gazed narrowed as he met with Tae Young’s, who was watching at him with prying eyes. The elder in light-brown suit flicked his fingers. “Yes! Yes, her name is Mio. She’s really pretty! I would surely come and asked for her signature during the engagement party!” He voiced out his laugh one after another, but it sounded so feigned that no one actually laughed with him. Minister Yul perked up when Mio was mentioned. A hissed escaped via his lips as he shot a glare at the elder on his left, who at the moment, didn’t realize of the commotion he had caused. Tae Young had yet to fully understand the thick brow-ajusshi’s reaction toward that matter. He knew that Hana and Mio’s sisterly relationship were concealed from the public, but it wasn’t really a secret to most of their close relatives and acquaintances. In fact, to some extent, they were well-conscious of it. If he would’ve to guess the underlying reason as why they had concealed the sisters' relationship, it must’ve been connected to Hana’s death and also, their very own personal agreement that only known by Minister Yul and his father.

 

Politician Song looked at the light-brown suit man lividly. He breathed so hard that his nostrils flared. Compared to everyone at presence, he knew the fact that Mio, the nation’s archer, was Minister Yul’s step-granddaughter, whom Minister Yul had desperately wanted to acknowledge because of her overwhelming fame, but nonetheless, he was not in the situation to favourably announce their relationships. By all means, he would’ve to do anything, everything to prevent their relation from being leaked out. If Mio’s identify was exposed to the public, especially now, when she was matched to Tae Young, it would once again stirred up the old flame of Hana’s case. Just like the arranged marriage two years ago, they wanted to form a bond between the two household: the Minister Yul’s and Song’s family. Hana’s case was put into a closure not long ago. The news hadn’t eradicated completely but they had committed plenty of alternatives in order to tight the loose end of it. The murderer, Paediatric Surgeon Yul Han, was Minister’s Yul brother. Rumours had started that it was Minister Yul who had been covering his brother’s inhuman acts up until the shocking incident in which Hana was the victim. Minister Yul’s image was badly stained, and worst, he was almost dismissed from his current position.

 

Minister Yul seemed to notice that Tae Young was eyeing him, so he tilted to Tae Young’s side. “Tae Young ah...” His eyes slanted to him as he said in an undertone. Tae Young felt all of his muscle clenched at once. Surely, it wasn’t a good sign. The elder was glancing at Tae Young out of the corner of his eye as he puffed out smokes from the pipe which he held on his right hand. “You’re...studying medicine, aren’t you?” With that being said, he put a halt on their previous topic about Mio and switched to Tae Young instead.

 

“Yes.” Tae Young retorted, flashing a plastic-smile upon his face. He lowered his gaze and groaned inwardly.

 

Minister Yul exhaled deeply, and then he exchange glanced with Politician Song. “So...have you overcome your panic disorder...yet?” There was air of grimness inside the room right after the words spurted out from him.

 

Tae Young felt thoroughly defeated when those merciless words had started to click in. A rush of anger coursing inside his vessels. His breath was fogging on his face as he struggled to inhale. How could that thick-brow ajusshi, in front of everyone presence, spoke unthinkably about his “panic” like it was some kind of infectious flu. The contentious look plastered on his face indicated that he was purposely mentioning it. It was a given that he was discontented with Tae Young because of his inability to confront people.

 

Over the side, Politician Song cleared his throat and immediately looked away from Minister’s Yul piercing gaze, in lieu he glued his sight on Tae Young. “Hyung,” He stood up straighter. “Our Tae Young is improving.” His eyes flickered as the words uttered. The tops of his ears burned when Minister Yul turned to face him. Minister Yul smiled bitterly. “Uh?” He arched an eyebrow and putdown the pipe atop of a holder on the table. “Then, I should be happy for our nation’s archer,” he told with a smirk. “As an opinionated person, I wouldn’t want our country’s princess to settle with a mere peasant, who can’t even properly make a speech in front of others.” An icy edge tingled in his voice. Tae Young fixed his eyes on a corner in the distance, swallowed hard, and hoping to fight back with all his might. Every time he breathed in, it felt like his throat was burned. Mentally, he was shouting in frustration. A great amount of pain surged inside his chest. Never in all his nineteenth years, had he ever felt so utterly humiliated.

 

Tae Young held his gaze on his father as to seek out for his support but all the while, he was looking away from him. “Fa-Father,” Tae Young stuttered. He wished he would’ve to speak smoothly but it came out worse than he had imagined. The colour drained off from his skin and his teeth chattered on edge. Signs of panic attack had occurred to him, again. It was frightening. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel anything. It as if he was briefly alone in the wilderness, surrounded by towering trees on every direction, and struck by endless darkness. Why wouldn’t anyone notice it? His stuttering voice, his abnormal gestures when he was panicked was viewed as an entertainment for others, and for them to laugh at. He guess that was it – people were like that. They didn’t care a bit about him.

 

“We’ll talk later. You may leave now.” Without even sparing a glance at him, his father waved him off.

 

After the door was closed behind, the pelting rain from the outside had alerted him, as relentless as the throbbing heartbeats beneath his chest. He glimpsed at the wooden-panelled wall, and then the red carpet under his feet. He gasped for breath as he walked lightly across the empty hallway. Moments later, he stopped right in front of the white-framed window, lifted his head to watch as the rain splashed; his eyes followed the droplets that trailed down by the windowpane, some branched out into tinier driblets, some were just static, and some had fell off...just like his emotions.

 

The day he learnt about his condition, he had stopped to believe in miracle, to trust others, to put faith upon himself. His emotion was wearing away day after day and subconsciously, he had built a wonder wall around him. He had seen so many people turned their back on him, gave up on him like he was dead. When it happened, he cried inside his mind, and rain reminded him of those moments – his past, his memories. Memories should’ve remained in the past; memories of pain should’ve faded away, it shouldn’t hurt. But, every sound of rain, every beat of heartbeats, and every piece of her memory vividly twirled inside of him. That was his definition of pain, and then he came to realize something: in this world, he owned nothing but himself.

 

“Hana-ssi, I should’ve come with you that day...”

 

Guilt empowered him ever since Hana’s death two years ago. During that time, she was hospitalized due to the complication of hyperglycemia. There was no one that really looked after her at home. After Mio returned China on the very next day of their encounter in the hospital, in which they argued with one another, Hana began to default her daily injections. She didn’t attend school, she just refused to do anything. Her mother had appointed to become a project manager and it had kept her busy nearly every day. Their father had returned to China, to resume their preparation for the Archery championships, and Tae Jun was blaming his fate for engaging with someone he didn’t love. Ever since their engagement was publicly announced by their respective household, Tae Jun had been ignoring Hana.

 

Tae Young knew that his brother like Mio, and that Hana turned out that way because of Mio. The root of the problems...was Mio. Tae Young even saw their argument that day. His heart almost hammered out of his chest the moment Mio leaned forward to slap Hana. That day, his impression about Mio had changed entirely. No matter how clueless Mio might have been, she shouldn’t have given up on her only sister just because she said those hurtful words. Mio shouldn’ve known better about her sister’s condition. The pain that Hana had to endure was tripled than Mio’s. Hana had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. She was lonely. Tae Young bet Mio wouldn’t know that. Mio was blessed with talents, she overshadowed her sister in almost everything, just the way Tae Jun had robbed the spotlight off from him.

 

Tae Jun and Mio didn’t know the feelings of becoming become someone less important than their other siblings. Tae Young and Hana, they walked on the same path, they shared the same destiny. Miseries happened because of their flaw. The people around wouldn’t blink an eye about them. Flaw, did they know how it feel like?

 

It felt incomplete. 

 

Even a simple cut in one's flesh could hurt, what about a cut in one’s heart that wasn’t even whole to start with? Even so, and even now, the sound of rain wasn’t the only things that making him shiver – the flaw. It would embody, and shadowed his lives forever.