Alone

Hibari Kyoya hated loneliness. However…growing up that way, always alone, for over ten years, he had gotten used to it—he simply adapted, which was what any human being would need to do in order to survive. It was unfortunate; and everyone around him believed that he liked to be alone. Those negative feelings continued to pile up higher and higher inside of him. They were like defaced packages stacked upon one another and he would be sitting on top of each stack, and as he gradually grew older, so did the stacks and he was inching closer and closer to the sky [1]. He was fated to be alone. Hitoribocchi no sadame.

Having being left alone by his own parents through their deaths, and having no other relative to turn to, Hibari Kyoya was forced to live alone. He lived that solitary life for several years. And then came… Namimori Middle School. Something about the building drew him towards it. Its peaceful, calming atmosphere…made him feel like he must protect it. Any disturbances to the tranquil air, he would eliminate. It grew as a stable foundation in his seemingly invisible heart.

So he created the Disciplinary Committee, its purpose to preserve the peace in Namimori Middle School. …Soon, that objective expanded, and now it set to exterminate any threats towards the whole city of Namimori. Acting and carrying out the duties as its leader helped him swallow down and stomach some of his loneliness.

However, fear grew in his fellow students at Namimori. For a moment, he relished the feeling of superiority. Say anything, and the mindless children would follow his order. He said to have hated crowding, but when he felt no one willing to step in within a five-foot radius from his figure, Kyoya experienced loneliness once again.

The next beacon of hope to arrive was… Sawada Tsunayoshi. The chestnut-haired and caramel-eyed herbivore. At first glance, he was insignificant and Kyoya easily dismissed him, thinking of him to be nothing. He continued on with his life. However, strange occurrences started to surround that herbivore after about a year. Soon, he met that infant. Reborn. Kyoya was satisfied to find an equal that he could enjoy fighting. Unfortunately, he was refused when he extended an invite to a battle. A dejected feeling bubbled within his chest.

Somehow…he had been sucked and absorbed into all that drama that revolved around the herbivore, Sawada Tsunayoshi. He had joined the Vongola famiglia without his own consent. Instead of violently protesting, he just went along with it… after all, through this connection, he could meet other beings worthy of fighting.

He acted fittingly as the Cloud Guardian, making independent actions and not allowing anything to tie him down. Although he did this, Sawada Tsunayoshi still treated him as if he was part of the famiglia. He would never admit this in a public or private situation, but hearing Tsunayoshi’s acceptance made him feel welcome. Hibari Kyoya did not feel as lonely as he did in the previous ten years of his life when he was left by himself.

Especially after the final battle with Byakuran, Kyoya was starting to see Sawada Tsunayoshi’s worth. He was no longer an herbivore; he had grown from that stage. He was now an omnivore--, no he could even be considered as a carnivore now. As much as he hated to admit it, Sawada Tsunayoshi could most likely defeat him in the long run. But the fellow carnivore would probably never do that. The carnivore-disguised-as-herbivore despised fighting, and would definitely not engage in a serious battle with one of his dear family members.

When the infant was explaining the positions of each of the Vongola guardians and noted how everyone had perfectly suited the characteristics of each guardian, Kyoya felt… like he truly belonged. The Disciplinary Committee did not quite count, as he was the leader, so of course if he was to be gone, the whole group would crumble, fall down, and disperse.

Sawada Tsunayoshi. The first person to fully accept him and treat him as a precious person. It was all thanks to him that he was no longer alone. Fate had been broken, proven wrong. He was no longer fated to be forever alone. Kyoya viewed Tsunayoshi as an angel sent down from heaven to save and rescue him from his dark and gloomy loneliness, as disgustingly cheesy as it may sound. He kept that to himself, of course. He would kill anyone who could hear that thought, with the possible exception of Tsunayoshi himself or the infant.

Slowly, he began to grow feelings toward the fragile-looking boy. He had never felt any of those … romantic feelings towards anyone in his life before, boys and girls included. And yet, towards Tsunayoshi… he did.

Sawada Tsunayoshi, to Hibari Kyoya, seemed to be somewhat like Namimori, except in human form, as ridiculous that may be. Both had some sort of calm, inevitable-to-love aura around themselves, bringing Kyoya to feel as if he must protect them.

Once he had detected that he thought of the Vongola Tenth in that way, he immediately tucked those feelings away. He hid them from the public eye, and yet secretly acted upon on them. Kyoya proudly protected his boss and love with all that he could, although it was from a distance. The Drifting Cloud was both far and close to the Harmonizing Sky.

One day, Sawada Tsunayoshi had summoned him to his office. Honestly curious although he did not allow it to be displayed on his outer appearance, Kyoya entered the luxurious doors imprinted with the Vongola emblem. He said nothing, his slate blue eyes questioning and talking for himself.

“Hibari-san!” Tsunayoshi happily greeted as he heard the doors open. He looked up from his wooden desk covered with numerous piles and bunches of paperwork.

“Hn,” Kyoya grunted. In both men’s minds, the “Hn” was translated to “Why have you called me here?”

“U-Um,” the Vongola Tenth started off with an uneasy stutter, “I was wondering if something happened…” Kyoya responded with a raise of an eyebrow. “I mean, recently you’ve been acting a bit…strange, Hibari-san.” He pointed out his observations.

Kyoya faltered in composing his poker face. It was miniscule, but Tsuna had caught it with his eyes. There was a small thump in his chest from Tsuna’s show of concern. “It’s nothing,” Kyoya emotionlessly dismissed the assumption of his unusual behavior.

Tsuna furrowed his eyebrows, leaning forwards from his chair, “Are you sure?” He persisted. He got up from his throne-like chair, walked around his desk until he was standing in front of Kyoya, staring up at him.

“I’m sure,” Kyoya insisted through a clenching jaw. He was unable to stand the close presence of the one he loved, and so he took a step backward. Tsuna noticed this action, but chose to ignore it, bringing his eyes back on his handsome Cloud Guardian’s face.

“Really?” Tsuna pressed, standing on his tip-toes in an attempt to level himself with Kyoya’s towering height. He had yet to undergo his growth spurt, although he had a feeling that even after he did, Kyoya would still be taller than him.

Kyoya swallowed a gulp, forcing his eyes away from the tantalizing innocent boss that he loved. The next second, his eyes widened in a comical fashion.

It had taken all the courage Tsuna had to do what he had just done. He ignored how Kyoya was usually very threatening and intimidating, and actually brought himself up to Kyoya’s height and press his warm lips against the other’s cold cheek. In other words, Sawada Tsunayoshi had just kissed Hibari Kyoya on the cheek.

All of Kyoya’s self-control was used in order to prevent him from pouncing on the younger man like a rabid animal, ready to ravish its prey. He looked down into the adorable puppy eyes of Sawada Tsunayoshi with shocked orbs in disbelief.

Tsuna took advantage of Kyoya’s silence and took that time to wrap Kyoya in a warm, romantic embrace. His face snuggled in the other’s hard and tough chest. He hoped that Kyoya understood the message he was trying to convey.

Kyoya stood frozen, stock still. Sawada Tsunayoshi… had thought of him in that way as well? That same, romantic way that was “forbidden” between two males?  He was stunned to see his arms shaking, before realizing that Tsuna was still waiting for an answer.

In a response, Kyoya’s trembling arms found their way around the smaller-framed male in front of him and locked themselves there. Kyoya hugged Tsuna back. Suddenly feeling fatigued, his head lolled forward to rest against Tsuna’s shoulder, with his nose nuzzling Tsuna’s mop of fluffy chestnut hair. “Tsunayoshi,” he murmured, his hot breath fanning across the other’s ear.

Kyoya dived in and swooped downwards to capture Tsuna’s lips in a kiss. A real first kiss. The younger man eagerly returned the kiss, his grip on Kyoya’s suit tightening. No words were needed, but one thing was clear.

Hibari Kyoya was definitely not alone anymore.

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[1]- A reference to this Japanese fanart of Hibari that I once reblogged on Tumblr a while ago… first it had a 5-year old Kyoya sitting on a rather small stack of “packages”, and then each 5/10 years later, there was a version of Kyoya sitting on gradually growing stacks of packages. Also, when I write, “he was inching closer and closer to the sky”, I’d like to think that… when he was reaching the peak of his loneliness, he finally met his sky: Sawada Tsunayoshi.