Calling sleepwalker

by BeHappy
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Calling sleepwalker - request shop review reviewshop - main story image

A A A A

and then she found the light

Reviewer: BeHappy

 

Title (10/10pts): The title sounds like a story in which the main character find something or someone that brightens up their life, which was previously a mess. Let's see if I'm correct! (I usually grade titles before I read stuff to see if it makes sense. xD)

Graphics/Trailer (5pts): Do the colors, pitcures, quotes, etc, match the feeling of the story? Quality? Is there too much writing? Is the poster/background confusing to look at? Can it be related to the story?

Description & Foreword (15/15pts): They are very short but it's a reasonable kind of short. For the description, I feel like it's one of those moments in a movie when someone's life just flashes by. 

Characters (10/10pts): I didn't find anything incorrect about the characters since there's pretty much only one character you're focusing on. 

Plot: Is it interesting? (Yes): Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!! Being a previous bully victim (I'm pretty sure there are MANY others out there), reading about someone's story as a victim is interesting. The reason being, most of us think "Did we suffer all the same?", "How do other people fee when they're bulliedl?", etc. In addition, it's not always easy to just talk about bullying and how it feels, and all the emotions involved. 

Mechanics [Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Syntax, etc] (20/20pts): I didn't notice any errors. 

Flow (10/10pts): Everything flowed well. Given that it's an autobiography about bullying and it gives off a gray, dreary feel, transition from one event into another isn't something readers would pay great attention to as they would an adventure story. 

Visual things (9/10pts): The print in the description was pretty small. 

Ending (15pts): (The ending is extremely important! You can rock the story, but bomb the end.) Does the ending make sense? Was the story wrapped up well? If a cliff-hanger was used, was it successful?  *Only graded if story is finished*

Bonus (10/5pts possible): Making this bonus a bonus-bonus! The plot and story idea was IMPRESSIVE!

Extra Comments/Notes/Author's Comment:

Thanks for requesting and don't forget to upvote the shop!

If it wasn't for your comment on FFO Peeves about title capitalization, I would have probably knocked off a few points, but now I have a different POV of story titles. Also, I loved the idea about expressing bully situations~! 

Also, the password is PEANUT because...lol I don't know. For our review shop on AFF the password is peanut, lol. 

Well...I do love Snoopy, so...peanut? Idk.

I know you asked for contructive critisicm, but there really just isn't anything to point out! You're a wonderful writer! Keep up the good work!

Btw, you're on our featured list!

Total: 74/75

 

 

Story Link

Comments

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ByungKitty  on says:
happy late birthday~ :3

snowflakes  on says:
I've request a review for my story, thank you! :)

jj_maple  on says about chapter 7:
Thanks for your review ^^
I didn't mind waiting at all.

yingjumeihua  on says:
I requested for one of my stories.

lostreader  on says about chapter 6:
omg, I don't think I ever got such high score *^*
Thank you for the review and I don't mind waiting! :D
I'm going to credit now :3

FTisland_BigBang  on says about chapter 5:
tnx! I'll try to improve it :) did I put report? @_@ I just rwalize that... Thanks again :)

lostreader  on says:
I requested :3

sleepwalker  on says about chapter 4:
No way! I've never received a score that high before LOL (probably because I rarely request reviews). Thank you for taking the time to review my story. May I ask you something? Did you think my chapters were too short?
Ah, I'm glad I could show you a different perspective on capitalization of story titles. And lol Snoopy is great xD I just found it random haha
Again, thank you for the review! I'll make sure to request in the future.

mafalda  on says:
Requested~! :D

Cremeplan42  on says about chapter 1:
Want to add another reviewer to the list? LOL. I want to apply.

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