○9pm_forever○

 New Moon 

Title: The Wedding Invitation

Author: 9pm_forever | Asianfanfics

Chapters: Four

Status: Completed

Reviewer: byzelo

 

Title: (5/5)

It may be just a simple title, but I personally really like it! Maybe it's because I don't really see a lot of stories floating around that is actually about a wedding or when the main character receive an invitation or something. Most of the stories are about marriage, like, after the main characters married and their life as husband and wife. Also, a perfect five because you capitalised each word at the first letter, it makes your story seemed so professional.

 

Foreword/Description: (8.5/10)

Foreword - RED. That's the first thing I saw. I know you're just trying to tell readers that your story is a submission for the contest but red, really... Other than that, the rest are just your 'author's note' so yeah.

Description - Ah, purple! I'm sorry to say, but my eyes kind of hurt. It's like, after seeing the poster when I first click the link, "Awww, peach-pink poster! Very nice, not really bright and gives off a warm feeling." but when I got to the description part, first sentence, "Oh my." No, I don't hate purple but it just doesn't really look good there, though, it is better than red though. Perhaps, grey would work?

 

Plot/Originality: (18/20)

I love your plot. Like how you explained her getting the invitation, to her thinking about the consequences, to the day the wedding is held, then her sister walking down the aisle. It's definitely one of the few stories that I'd actually remember the plot of. The main reason is because it was really interesting, original and realistic. It doesn't even feel like I'm reading a fiction but more like the autobiography of a person, which it actually feels like it really happened in real life.

 

Characterisation: (12/15)

Nice way of expressing how the main character is; a caring yet selfish girl. The main character's personality is kind of bipolar, no, screw that, she's really bipolar. What I really love is how you expressed her character throughout the whole story. What she did in the end, well, I did expect her to go to the guy, even if she kept saying she's angry at him for betraying her sister. What I didn't expect was her shouting she hated him in public, him not giving up on trying to win her and her sister being there when they kissed.

 

Flow: (13/15)

Nicely done! It was dragging on at the part where the main character felt hopeless and her mental breakdown when she received the invitation. You really expressed the situation there well. The flow was good, not too fast, not too slow.

 

Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation: (25/25)

You're probably one of the few writers I knew who has no problem in this field. Your use of grammar is excellent. No spelling mistakes and punctuation used were correct as well. Congrats!

 

Vocabulary: (4.5/5)

Great use of your amazing vocabs! Seriously, the English you used were so... deep. Haha, I even learnt a few words from your story! I understood what you were trying to deliver to the readers well.

 

Bonus Points + Overall Enjoyment: (4/5)

Attractive title and poster. I enjoyed reading it and I may not remember every single details - may it be big or small ones - but I can picture the scenes in my mind. From how she got so dramatic in her apartment(?), to her sister's wedding day, then the aisle scene and the sister's fiance saying "I don't.", her trying to make it up to her sister, her trying to leave everything behind.

 

Total: (90/100) | Grade: B+

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